stands on shifting sands, the scales held in her hands

[justsookie]

One of the rules that I generally live by is that it's criminal to waste a good bathing suit. They're kind of like shoes — it's really hard to find one that fits in a flattering way, and sometimes also difficult to find the right color for your complexion. Human bodies aren't really designed to be perfect, and even if I bought into the idea that people shouldn't mind those imperfections, that didn't mean that I wouldn't try to dress myself up. Fashion's all about emphasizing your best features.

So when I'd found a cute little set with cherries and blossoms speckled all over, clearly that meant my day would be devoted to both laying on the beach and taking a dip in the water. And for the latter, I headed to the waterfall by the Compound, one of the things Louisiana really didn't have too many of. The water was almost unbelievably clean, not at all murky like the marsh ponds I was accustomed to. With a stifled laugh, I ended up taking a running start, tucked into a cannonball, and splashed right in.

In that moment, it was sorta hard to keep my mind on any of my greater worries. I guess a lot of stereotypes really do have some truth in them.

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[dichotomos]

I had my mouth open to give her a witty answer for her first question when she hit me with the second. Faltering, I'm sure I looked like a fucking genius, mouth hanging open and not answering a simple question about my heritage. Back home, I'd gotten to a point where I'd gotten over being ashamed at what I was, even if I wasn't entirely peachy with it. The thing is, though, you tell a person you're half monster, if they don't think you're crazy, they're still bound to see you as, well…a monster.

"Uh," I began, articulate as always. Sookie had said she dated a vampire back home, but vamps weren't the same as Auphe, not by a long shot. I scrubbed a hand through my hair as I weighed my options and decided fuck it. Wouldn't be the first time someone ran away from me.

"My dad was, um. An Auphe. Do you even know what that is?" Most people didn't. Lucky them.

[justsookie]

It was pretty clear to me that on the whole, Cal was sharp-witted, even if it wasn't necessarily always my type of humor. For him to pause like that made alarms sound in my head, wondering if I was diving into a little more than I could chew. I'd never heard of the Auphe. The word felt a bit foreign on my tongue as I mouthed it out — the closest word I could think of was 'off,' but I could tell that wasn't it, given Cal's tone. Well, that and the fact that 'off' wasn't a noun.

"No," I replied, scooping up a little bit of water to wash off my cheek and arm before I reached for my towel, climbing out of the water. If my intuition was right, this talk wouldn't be casual enough for an audience that bobbed in the water, gradually turning into a prune. "No, I've... been so busy these past couple of weeks that I didn't really find the time to pressure people into tellin' me what else is out there. But if you'll tell me, I'd like to know?"

I tilted my head, trying to make eye contact. You could always send a lot of messages through a look. I hoped that mine was reassuring.

[dichotomos]

Being faced with a hot, half-naked girl as she toweled off wasn't what I would call conducive to deep thoughts, or any kind of thoughts, really, unless you count a mantra of 'gimme gimme gimme gimme' as thinking. I got that Sookie was trying to be sensitive and attentive during our super special sharing time, but she really should have kept that pert ass of hers in the water if she expected me to pay attention. In order to continue, I literally had to look away. It probably made me seem intensely conflicted and emo over the topic at hand, but mostly I was intensely conflicted and emo over my inability to get laid.

Fish sticks and cartoons. Right.

"Imagine the worst thing you can think of, multiply it by a hundred, and you're still not close to the Auphe," I replied as I gazed broodily out over the water, steadfastly ignoring what seemed like acres of bare, golden skin. "Supposedly they're the origin of the elf myth, but I have no fucking idea how that happened, because they look nothing like that guy from Lord of the Rings. They're more like demons than elves. Long claws, needle teeth, red eyes and a really shitty disposition." I snapped my gaze back around to Sookie and offered a mirthless grin. "Mom let one knock her up for money. She was a real winner."

[justsookie]

From the way that Cal was avoiding my gaze, I could sort of sense that this topic was a serious one for him — it was surprising that he'd opened up to me at all. Maybe the island had helped him; after all, if he was half-descended from the creature that he'd described, I would have expected him to have at least a few of the features mentioned, and not just the pale skin. It was possible that Tabula Rasa changed him from some hybrid into someone who looked and functionally was human. Was I supposed to ask him if that was the case? I ended up deciding not to, after that strange smile he flashed in my direction. If anything, though, what Cal had just told me made me more resolute about being there for him.

"Some people'll do just about anythin' for money," I replied, pursing my lips and leaning in just a little to better meet his gaze. "But hey, doesn't matter who your parents were, as long as you don't end up learnin' from them. I don't think you have a bad disposition, and if pirates come across this island, I doubt you'd give me up for a few doubloons, so we're safe." I shrugged for emphasis, then furrowed my brow in thought. It couldn't have been easy on Niko, and the fact that Cal had turned out alright despite everything was probably something he could attribute to Niko's influence. I could respect him a lot more for that.

Even if it meant respecting someone who shared Eric's face.

[dichotomos]

Unable to help myself, I cast Sookie a sidelong glance and a genuine smile from where I sat, arms braced against my thighs, hands dangling between my knees. There wasn't a hint of sarcasm to it.

"You're not mine to give, Sookie," I pointed out, and turned my attention immediately back to the water, lest I do something stupid like seem as if I cared about that particular deficiency.

[justsookie]

I wasn't sure whether or not Cal had simply pointed that fact out to impress me, but whatever his motive and true beliefs were, it still worked. Most of the people in my life seemed to feel as though they were entitled to their own little slice of the Sookie pie, and the men in particular always seemed to lean more toward letting me know that they'd never give me up or forsake me for anything. Sure, I guess it's romantic. But it's kind of demeaning, too, like I'm just some kind of possession. Their Sookie to hand off at will. Sometimes, it was especially bad with Bill — he so often called me 'his,' and no matter how much he tried to reassure me of the fact that it was just vampire protocol, sometimes he really acted as though he believed it.

With Cal, though, that shot his standing in my mind forward leaps and bounds, from where I was already considering him a fast friend. My cheeks hurt with the effort of the smile his words brought out.

"You're right. I'm my own person. Doesn't always stop people from tossin' me around anyway," I replied, letting my head momentarily rest on his shoulder. It was really nice to see him smile, it was really nice to let myself smile, and though I had the sneaking suspicion that neither of those states would last forever, it was good to just bask in it for a while.

Pulling slightly away, I finally had the sense of mind to wrap my large towel tightly around myself — I felt slightly colder out of the water. Squeezing some of the water out of my hair, I tried my best to smoothly ease the conversation in my own direction for a moment. Pledge of good faith.

"Y'know, I wasn't exactly normal before coming to Tabula Rasa. Back home, I was telepathic."

[dichotomos]

My life has always had this charming way of snapping back and biting me on the ass. I don't know if this happens much for people who aren't knowingly in the company of monsters, but it seemed like I could only go so long before some kind of big reveal knocked me right back onto my ass.

Take my current situation, for instance. Phase one was Sookie being, well, Sookie as she bent over pool tables and frolicked in tiny bikinis. Phase two was her sitting beside me in said tiny bikini and then laying her head on my shoulder like we were in some kind of fucking adorable romantic comedy from the Fifties. Phase three, though—Phase three was when fate jumped up and punched me in the face like a bitch.

I knew the distinct difference between telepathy and psychic abilities, but just then and under my current circumstances, they might as well have been the same thing.

Slowly, I turned my gaze back to Sookie and stared. "Telepathic," I echoed, doing a really shitty job of not looking as unsettled as I felt. "Not psychic?"

[justsookie]

Even though I'd just covered myself with a towel, Cal's stare was making me feel all the more naked. And I hated it. I don't like feeling cornered on a good day, but give me someone who had just told me that he was descended from some type of monster, who should have known by then that the island took away all traces of abilities anyway, who talked about relationships with vampires like they weren't a big deal, and yet still have him getting all bug-eyed over my former ability to read minds? It had me going defensive, and I could feel myself tensing up as I tried to pull my towel even more tightly around myself. Even if it didn't actually work, it helped take my mind off that weird look I was getting from Cal.

Because I recognized it. It was like the look I got every time people in Bon Temps were reminded of how I was different, how they tried to deny to themselves the fact that I knew just a little too much for it to be coincidence, how they were always uneasy when I was around. Sometimes the reasons differed a little — occasionally, I even found someone who thought it was really cool. But they were always nervous.

"No," I muttered, and at the moment Cal's only saving grace was the fact that he'd been honest to me about his own background. If it weren't for that, I would probably have just up and left. "Not psychic. And I'm not telepathic anymore either, thanks to the island, so you can stop lookin' at me like I'm gonna just root in your head. I always try to keep out of other people's business."

[dichotomos]

"Whoa, whoa, hold up there with your assumptions," I shot immediately back, frowning as I sat up and turned my complete attention to Sookie. "Did I say I thought you were going to root around in my head? Did I say I thought you would be in my business? No, I didn't, so chill out." The good news was, I was at least temporarily annoyed enough to ignore the continued torment of her tits. I huffed out a sigh and looked moodily back to the water.

"I…knew a girl back home, okay?" I began, hating myself a little for mentioning it at all. Most days, I did my best to forget that George even existed. It was just easier that way. "She was psychic. That's all. I wasn't fucking assuming anything about you, I was just reminded of her, and no I don't want to talk about it."

[justsookie]

In that moment, I knew that if I was back home in Bon Temps, I would have gone searching through his mind for more details. It was the very same reaction I'd had when Bill first mentioned Lorena, or when Bill had introduced me to Jessica. I hated secrets. Sure, people are entitled to keep certain things private — that's not something I'll ever argue against. But most of the time, secrets didn't help. I kept my own because I knew how people acted around me when I was brazen about things like my telepathy. Because if I acted proudly, people would think I was rooting around in their business and drag me into the mud. It had happened before. But most secrets just make things worse.

I should have been glad anyway, that the island was cutting off any sort of temptation.

Instead, I just turned away with furrowed brows, not sure how to process anything and similarly being denied the very thing I would have done, which would have been to ask Cal to tell me more about this girl.

"Fine," I replied instead, still beyond frustrated as I let my toes graze across the surface of the water. "Sorry I brought it up."