Being faced with a hot, half-naked girl as she toweled off wasn't what I would call conducive to deep thoughts, or any kind of thoughts, really, unless you count a mantra of 'gimme gimme gimme gimme' as thinking. I got that Sookie was trying to be sensitive and attentive during our super special sharing time, but she really should have kept that pert ass of hers in the water if she expected me to pay attention. In order to continue, I literally had to look away. It probably made me seem intensely conflicted and emo over the topic at hand, but mostly I was intensely conflicted and emo over my inability to get laid.

Fish sticks and cartoons. Right.

"Imagine the worst thing you can think of, multiply it by a hundred, and you're still not close to the Auphe," I replied as I gazed broodily out over the water, steadfastly ignoring what seemed like acres of bare, golden skin. "Supposedly they're the origin of the elf myth, but I have no fucking idea how that happened, because they look nothing like that guy from Lord of the Rings. They're more like demons than elves. Long claws, needle teeth, red eyes and a really shitty disposition." I snapped my gaze back around to Sookie and offered a mirthless grin. "Mom let one knock her up for money. She was a real winner."