It was what he wanted to hear. Sookie arguing for him, choosing to believe the best. His heartbeat felt painful in his own chest. Yes, that was it. Yes, he was hurt. Yes, he was lost. If things hadn't fallen out the way they had. If one thing had been different. Yes, he wanted to say. And I hid it from you because I love you, because I didn't want you to cry, because it was a mistake that I regret, every day, that I never want to think of again. Because I was ashamed.
But Lucy's voice cut through it all. How could he justify this? How could he let Sookie justify it? How could he let her twist her own definition of wrong and right to fit his needs? How could he take her forgiveness for this like it meant something, meant anything to those twenty people who had died, the hundreds before them, their families?
Had he really changed at all? Had he become human again? Or had he just traded in blood for love and forgiveness at any cost?
He shook his head and pulled away from her, feeling sick, pressing his lips together tightly to stop himself from crying. He wouldn't let her see him cry. She might think there was hope yet. Monsters didn't cry.
He kept shaking his head, looking at the floor, until he felt he could manage. Could get the words out that he needed to say. "No." Mitchell raised his head, every muscle tensed against something dying to be let out inside of him. "There's nothing to do. I can't take it back and I won't." He felt ready to fall apart inside, like he should be shaking like a leaf, and yet... The words took their sweet time to come out, but they did not falter. "I am a bad, bad man, Sookie. It's time we both faced up to that."
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But Lucy's voice cut through it all. How could he justify this? How could he let Sookie justify it? How could he let her twist her own definition of wrong and right to fit his needs? How could he take her forgiveness for this like it meant something, meant anything to those twenty people who had died, the hundreds before them, their families?
Had he really changed at all? Had he become human again? Or had he just traded in blood for love and forgiveness at any cost?
He shook his head and pulled away from her, feeling sick, pressing his lips together tightly to stop himself from crying. He wouldn't let her see him cry. She might think there was hope yet. Monsters didn't cry.
He kept shaking his head, looking at the floor, until he felt he could manage. Could get the words out that he needed to say. "No." Mitchell raised his head, every muscle tensed against something dying to be let out inside of him. "There's nothing to do. I can't take it back and I won't." He felt ready to fall apart inside, like he should be shaking like a leaf, and yet... The words took their sweet time to come out, but they did not falter. "I am a bad, bad man, Sookie. It's time we both faced up to that."