justsookie | heard it on the wire, you've been telling me lies

Somewhere between Mitchell's hut and Nina's, Sookie had dropped her heart.

The pounding in her ears was gone. The rush of blood to her head, halted. In some ways, she experienced greater clarity in those few minutes than she had in weeks, able to step forward, one foot in front of the other, her arms resting gently at her sides, although the occasional ball of one into a fist gave away the tension which still existed underneath, and had not yet had the opportunity to work itself out fully. Somewhere along the way, Sookie had lost the entire foundation she'd built herself on while living on Tabula Rasa, and she felt herself as though in a freefall, frantically grabbing for whatever she could hold onto, even as betrayal bled into confusion. She knew now, that Mitchell had played a direct hand in the massacre of humans. Knew that he'd been hiding it from her, from everyone, but instead of rushing around and spreading the news, she could only remember one thing then: the way Nina had looked upon discovering that Sookie was dating John Mitchell.

Had she known? Was there more that Sookie hadn't heard of, more that Mitchell had somehow managed to keep from her?

Before Sookie realized it, she was standing in front of Nina and Annie's hut, shifting her weight from one foot to the other before she raised her hand to knock. "Nina?" she called out, pausing. "Nina, it's Sookie. You home right now? I know this door's unlocked much of the time, so if it's too much trouble, I can let myself in, I just... I really need to talk to you."

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"Let me tell George," Nina asked, her mouth set in a hard line, "If Mitchell doesn't. I'm not sure how he's going to take it, that I've... had these suspicions. I think he should hear it from me."

Tucking a fallen strand of hair behind her ear, she added, "I know he cares for George, and I have every reason to believe that he's always cared for you, as well. But... I've never been able to understand him. I don't know what he's capable of. I wish I did, but I don't."

A derisive laugh fell from Sookie's lips before she could stop it. As soon as it passed, she peered over at Nina with an apologetic look. Nina wasn't responsible for any of it, after all, and even just the slight burden raised from her shoulders, knowing that she wouldn't have to be the one to tell George, was more comforting than Sookie could express. But there was no comfort to be found in the fact that Mitchell cared, not falling from the lips of another person, not when she still couldn't decide whether or not she wanted him on her side at all, anymore.

Which of the two was more ideal?

"I thought I knew, until just now. But I guess... with someone who's lived that long, there's always gonna be another side that you don't see," she decided, between breaths. "I'm just so sorry I had to break the news. Sorry that I'm not really together enough to hold it on my own. But if it means anythin', I don't think he'll actually hurt anyone here. Not like that."

"No," Nina agreed, though she couldn't be sure. None of them could, but they'd all been given back a bit of their humanity, by the island. It was one gift they'd been given, after having so much taken away.

"I suppose it makes me sound like a bloody hypocrite," Nina admitted with a soft breath of laughter, "He was infected as much as George and I were. And I think he wants very much to... hold on to whatever scraps of goodness he can-- George. Annie. You. But I'm not sure he's prepared to give up the rest. He either doesn't know how, or he doesn't want to, but Sookie, it has nothing to do with you. You've done nothing wrong in wanting to see the good in him. Because it is there." But that made him no less dangerous. In fact, it did the very opposite.

"Let's not talk about that right now," Sookie murmured, shaking her head vigorously as soon as Nina went in precisely the opposite direction that she was expecting. Maybe it was true, and maybe Mitchell's good side was there, just as it'd been for every single day of their relationship, but Sookie didn't know how to access it anymore. Didn't know how sincere it was, or if it was just a desperate man's attempt at hiding a life that had no place on the island. Hiding desires that would only have him jailed. It would've been so much easier, she thought to herself, if all of it had been a lie, or all of it a truth too hastily buried. But the fact that everything was drawn in shades of gray just made it that much harder.

"I don't want to think about how much good there is in him, or bad, I just... I don't even know what I was lookin' for. Making sure that you knew, maybe, or hoping that he was just being an ass and lying to me because of how much I pushed," she sighed. "I'm sorry for dragging everyone in the mud. You had to know though, right? I couldn't have kept something like this all to myself."

"Don't apologize. You're not dragging anyone in the mud. Mitchell's done a right good job of it, all on his own. In no way are you to blame for that," Nina said, reaching out to splay a hand between Sookie's shoulder blades, her palm rubbing in slow, soothing circles.

Breathing out a weary laugh, Nina said, "Things are bloody complicated, aren't they?"

There was something familiar about the movement, the sort of action that gran would have taken, back in the day. Sookie allowed herself some amount of comfort over that, though it was difficult not to lose herself in it, to allow those tears to spiill over again and to remain the clueless little girl who needed to be protected by others. The want to simply buckle under the pressure was enormous.

"They always are," she answered instead, a touch of a wry smile upon her lips. "You think you've seen all there is, you think that you've been adequately warned of a person's past and know what to expect, and then something like this happens, and then you realize that you've underestimated life's ability to completely screw people over."

heard it on the wire, you've been telling me lies

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